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Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

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1Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 11:02 am

wprager

wprager
Administrator
Administrator
OK, I think we need this thread. Post jokes, funny pictures, whatever. If it's a video clip you may want to consider the "Random Video Thread" instead, since it's already there.

I'll start this one off (received this in a buddy's joke list):

July 2009 is now officially Ottawa's wettest month ever recorded (243.4mm), surpassing the June 2002 total (224.8mm).

Some areas of the city have been hit much harder than the airport (where the official measurement was made). For example, last Friday the airport recorded 40.6mm, but in the west end (Kanata and Stittsville) over 100mm fell in under two hours. More rain is expected tomorrow - thankfully the last day of the month.

In light of this record we now offer you Summer Shoes for Ottawa:

Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! High-tide-heels_2263


_________________
Hey, I don't have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I've failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my wife. I love my life. And I wish you my kind of success.
- Dicky Fox

2Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 12:09 pm

Jordo

Jordo
Sophomore
Sophomore
This joke is pretty raunchy, but it's one of the best I've heard in a while...


A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas when an absolutely stunning Las Vegas hooker catches his eye.


He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker,

"How much do you charge?"


The Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."


The guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap!

No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"


The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"


"Yes."


"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"


"Yes."


"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"


"Yes."


"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those.

And I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."


So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."

They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he has just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.


He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"


The hooker replies, "$1,500."


"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"


The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."


The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so and says, "Sign me up."


Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.


He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth.


He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.


He asks the hooker, "How much for some Front Bum?"


The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something."


Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us: All those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and shows?


"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"


No," the hooker replies, "but I would... if I had a Front Bum."

3Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 12:45 pm

wprager

wprager
Administrator
Administrator
Front Bum.

< snort, giggle >



Last edited by wprager on Thu Jul 30, 2009 2:34 pm; edited 1 time in total


_________________
Hey, I don't have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I've failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my wife. I love my life. And I wish you my kind of success.
- Dicky Fox

4Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:22 pm

hemlock

hemlock
All-Star
All-Star
Here's a random selection of pics that made me laugh:

Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! N7188710

Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! N7188711

Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! N7188712

Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! N7188713

5Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:42 pm

Tuk Tuk

Tuk Tuk
Veteran
Veteran
Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Eyeboobs

6Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:44 pm

Tuk Tuk

Tuk Tuk
Veteran
Veteran
Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! 1583

7Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:46 pm

Guest


Guest

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.
'Thanks,' the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles....
'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.'

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

8Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:46 pm

Tuk Tuk

Tuk Tuk
Veteran
Veteran
Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Spiders

9Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:49 pm

TheAvatar

TheAvatar
Veteran
Veteran
A little too much time on your hands TukTuk ?

10Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:50 pm

Guest


Guest
Tuk Tuk wrote:Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Spiders

WOW

11Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:50 pm

TheAvatar

TheAvatar
Veteran
Veteran
yeah, time to call the exterminator I think Wink

12Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:53 pm

Tuk Tuk

Tuk Tuk
Veteran
Veteran
The wonders of Stumbleupon Smile

13Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:54 pm

shabbs

shabbs
Hall of Famer
Hall of Famer
wprager wrote:Front Bum.

The filter strikes again and ruins a joke...

Wink

14Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:54 pm

Tuk Tuk

Tuk Tuk
Veteran
Veteran
Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! 367

15Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Empty Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW! on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:55 pm

Tuk Tuk

Tuk Tuk
Veteran
Veteran
Tickle my funnybone.  NOW! Ozah2wddmo7sqxect9rpwnswo1_500_1_

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