Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

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    wprager
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    Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by wprager on Thu Jul 30, 2009 11:02 am

    OK, I think we need this thread. Post jokes, funny pictures, whatever. If it's a video clip you may want to consider the "Random Video Thread" instead, since it's already there.

    I'll start this one off (received this in a buddy's joke list):

    July 2009 is now officially Ottawa's wettest month ever recorded (243.4mm), surpassing the June 2002 total (224.8mm).

    Some areas of the city have been hit much harder than the airport (where the official measurement was made). For example, last Friday the airport recorded 40.6mm, but in the west end (Kanata and Stittsville) over 100mm fell in under two hours. More rain is expected tomorrow - thankfully the last day of the month.

    In light of this record we now offer you Summer Shoes for Ottawa:



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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by Jordo on Thu Jul 30, 2009 12:09 pm

    This joke is pretty raunchy, but it's one of the best I've heard in a while...


    A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas when an absolutely stunning Las Vegas hooker catches his eye.


    He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker,

    "How much do you charge?"


    The Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."


    The guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap!

    No hand-job is worth that kind of money!"


    The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"


    "Yes."


    "Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"


    "Yes."


    "And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"


    "Yes."


    "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those.

    And I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."


    So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."

    They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he has just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.


    He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"


    The hooker replies, "$1,500."


    "I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"


    The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."


    The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so and says, "Sign me up."


    Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.


    He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth.


    He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.


    He asks the hooker, "How much for some Front Bum?"


    The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something."


    Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us: All those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and shows?


    "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"


    No," the hooker replies, "but I would... if I had a Front Bum."
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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by wprager on Thu Jul 30, 2009 12:45 pm

    Front Bum.

    < snort, giggle >


    Last edited by wprager on Thu Jul 30, 2009 2:34 pm; edited 1 time in total


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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by hemlock on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:22 pm

    Here's a random selection of pics that made me laugh:







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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by Tuk Tuk on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:42 pm

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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by Tuk Tuk on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:44 pm


    Guest
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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by Guest on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:46 pm


    A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
    The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
    The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration.
    'Thanks,' the girl replied.
    The firefighter looked a little closer.
    The fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles....
    'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.'

    The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'
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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by Tuk Tuk on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:46 pm

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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by TheAvatar on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:49 pm

    A little too much time on your hands TukTuk ?

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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by Guest on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:50 pm

    Tuk Tuk wrote:

    WOW
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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by TheAvatar on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:50 pm

    yeah, time to call the exterminator I think Wink
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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by Tuk Tuk on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:53 pm

    The wonders of Stumbleupon Smile
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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by shabbs on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:54 pm

    wprager wrote:Front Bum.

    The filter strikes again and ruins a joke...

    Wink
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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by Tuk Tuk on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:54 pm

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    Re: Tickle my funnybone. NOW!

    Post by Tuk Tuk on Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:55 pm


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