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The new normal: It doesn't get easier just new.

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Cap'n Clutch

Cap'n Clutch
Co-Founder
Co-Founder
I haven't written on this topic for a while but, with the recent news of Brian Murray fighting a battle with cancer it has brought a lot of this flooding back.

My wife's psychologist once told us that this was the new normal. Man I long for the days of the old normal. Blissfully enjoying life with my beautiful highschool sweet heart. I'm not a big believer in horoscopes but, as an aquarius I'm supposed to be known for thinking far into the future and imagining what life will be like. In my old normal version I imagined a long life, sitting in rocking chairs side by side with my wife with grey hair, watching our grand kids run and play. I didn't imagine how we'd get there and never did I think it would involve my wife fighting for her life and both of us taking turns fearing the worst and hoping and feeling confident for the best.

I get people often asking how we do it. How do we get through the day and that we're an inspiration. It is what it is and what is the alternative? The new normal is what you make it. You can't dwell on the situation you're in. In our case we have small children and it's not fair to them that they're in this situation and it's not fair to them to give them anything less than all of ourselves. They didn't ask to be born and they deserve fully present and fully loving parents. Our job, in the old normal, was to simply love them, show them how to love and treat others, how to survive and flourish in this world and hope that our lessons were the right ones and that they take them to heart.

Our new normal means we now teach them how to handle yourself during times of great adversity. They won't know any other way. They will likely always know their mom as living with Cancer and hopefully not dying from it but rather, one day, dying with it. Showing them how to handle yourself, how to treat your partner, how to care for them. How well we do will help shape them and help shape the decisions they make in life.

Our new normal is their old normal and we have to make it as wonderful as our old normal.


_________________
"A child with Autism is not ignoring you, they are waiting for you to enter their world."

- Unknown Author
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tim1_2

Post on Tue Jul 22, 2014 12:31 pm by tim1_2

That's beautifully put. I wish you and your family nothing but the best. I have never gone through anything close to what you guys are going through, and can only hope I'd deal with it half as well.

Stay strong, my friend!

PTFlea

Post on Tue Jul 22, 2014 12:39 pm by PTFlea (Online)

Very well said, all the best.

SeawaySensFan

Post on Tue Jul 22, 2014 1:02 pm by SeawaySensFan

As I basically said when you revealed this to us initially I still have every confidence that, save for some challenges along the way, your life will unfold as you envisioned it all those years ago...

All the best, old friend.

spader

Post on Tue Jul 22, 2014 1:58 pm by spader

Very well said.

shabbs

Post on Tue Jul 22, 2014 2:09 pm by shabbs

Strong words Cap'n and a great message. It's true, when the alternative is to give up, you kick that in the Cussing face, look forward and be the best you can be to yourself, to your wife, to your kids and your entire family... no matter what obstacles or challenges are ahead.

Never give up.

Cap'n Clutch

Post on Tue Jul 22, 2014 2:59 pm by Cap'n Clutch

Thanks everyone.

wprager

Post on Tue Jul 22, 2014 3:00 pm by wprager

Beautiful!

tim1_2

Post on Tue Jul 22, 2014 3:25 pm by tim1_2

On a related subject, how is your autistic daughter doing? The last news we heard was pretty positive, from what I remember!

Cap'n Clutch

Post on Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:22 am by Cap'n Clutch

She's doing amazing Tim! A few weeks ago, I asked her (For the 100th time with no response) why she un-ties her bow for her dress and she answered me. She told me it was because it wasn't comfortable to sit in her chair with the bow pressing into her back. I nearly cried.

Just yesterday she had a conversation with her grandma on the phone and told her about hitting her head and bruising her ear a few days earlier. She never talked about past events even when pressed for details.

Super proud of her!

tim1_2

Post on Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:42 am by tim1_2

That is awesome to hear. It must be a great feeling to see progress being made!

shabbs

Post on Wed Jul 23, 2014 11:03 am by shabbs

Awesome stuff Cap'n. Awesome.

Cap'n Clutch

Post on Wed Jul 23, 2014 2:21 pm by Cap'n Clutch

In other news. My youngest starts school this fall and will be the last child we see off to their first day of school.

It's sad because, my wife started out being unsure she wanted kids, to asking when we'd have our third and then cancer surgery removed any and all hope of that.

Cap'n Clutch

Post on Wed Jul 23, 2014 2:22 pm by Cap'n Clutch

Before you say we can adopt, I know we could and it's been considered but, with the uncertainty over my wife's health we don't think it's fair to bring a child into that with the knowledge we now have.

Ev

Post on Wed Jul 23, 2014 2:25 pm by Ev

Stay strong brah. My uncle was diagnosed with lymphoma recently. Eff cancer.

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