You are not connected. Please login or register

 » Member Blogging » When it rains ... it pours

When it rains ... it pours

Go to page : 1, 2  Next

Go down  Message [Page 1 of 2]

Hoags

Hoags
All-Star
All-Star
I know that life sometimes sucks but why does it have to happen in streaks?

A year ago we had a stillbirth. I don't think you ever get over something like this 100% but just when it seems you do the anniversary of the event comes up and everything comes flooding back. Worse is watching your spouse suffer and nothing you seems to help. Ever worse is getting all sorts of BS "help" from friends like "Oh at least you have 1 healthy kid" or "my father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate had a miscarriage several years ago(NOT THE SAME THING). Oh well back to therapy we go.

Two weeks ago CHEO diagnoses my 3 year old son with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I'm not really sure what it means as the official definition is confusing. But we just got a stack of papers to read and referred to a social worker. I mean my son has had developmental problems and he's been getting therapy at OCTC for almost a year now and making good progress but he doesn't seem to strike me as autistic(not like the other kids at the OCTC playgroups anyway) but I guess there's no such thing as "autism" now and it's a spectrum. Seems like anyone could be autistic. In any case we're on another waiting list for ABA and/or IBI which could take at least a year, two for IBI. Hooray more waiting for therapy that's more effective the younger the child is.

Last night we learned my father in law has stage 4 cancer and my wife now has to deal with the fact that he doesn't have much time left. So we have to fly out there and see him while we can. She's holding up fairly well given the circumstances I suppose, I think I'm getting depressed from all this.

Oh well just had to vent and get Dung off my chest. I didn't watch much hockey last year and doesn't seem like I will much this year, I just feel to bitter and angry.

Share this post on: diggdeliciousredditstumbleuponslashdotyahoogooglelive

Cap'n Clutch

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 1:05 pm by Cap'n Clutch

I feel for you and can only offer you my support.  I won't try to say I understand because I don't.  As a father who also had a child diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3 I can offer you support and help in that area if you so wish.  

Keep strong and there's no shame in discussing your potential depression with your doctor and perhaps trying some medications.

Edit:  A quote I've always appreciated, that came from someone with Autism as an adult, is "If you've met one Autistic person; you've met one Autistic person".  You're right in that it's a spectrum, which means not only is there varying numbers of symptoms present there are also varying degrees of severity for each.  It sounds like your son is what some call high functioning or mild to moderately autistic.  Therapy doesn't always work but, in our daughter's case, she went from mild to minimal with residual autistic traits.

Hoags

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 1:11 pm by Hoags

Cap'n Clutch wrote:I feel for you and can only offer you my support.  I won't try to say I understand because I don't.  As a father who also had a child diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3 I can offer you support and help in that area if you so wish.  

Well I certainly would appreciate any info you have.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around ASD and what's available in Ottawa.  When I have time I want to go back and read over your old posts, I read them before but they have new meaning now.  My kid is everything to me and I only to do everything I can, even something I can't if it helps him lol.

Cap'n Clutch wrote:Keep strong and there's no shame in discussing your potential depression with your doctor and perhaps trying some medications.  

Already done and slowly getting better thank you.  I got a family that needs me and no time for downtime as hard as it is some days.

Cap'n Clutch wrote:
Edit:  A quote I've always appreciated, that came from someone with Autism as an adult, is "If you've met one Autistic person; you've met one Autistic person".  You're right in that it's a spectrum, which means not only is there varying numbers of symptoms present there are also varying degrees of severity for each.  It sounds like your son is what some call high functioning or mild to moderately autistic.  Therapy doesn't always work but, in our daughter's case, she went from mild to minimal with residual autistic traits.

We have trouble accepting/understanding it, my wife flat out doesn't believe it at times. She almost went postal on the pediatrician at CHEO.

It's hard to describe him, he talks a lot but it's usually "stimming"(singing songs or ABCs) although he does talk to us when he needs something or wants to go somewhere and makes eye contact at least half the time. Doesn't use complex sentences, never really said Mom or Dad either. He understands a lot more than he says though, he's really bright and affectionate, lots of hugs etc. He jumps a lot and flaps his hands when he gets really excited or overstimulated and he walks on his toes a good amount. I guess those are the traits that put him on the spectrum but they never told us if it was mild just 'not severe'.

I like the quote in your sig as well Smile



Last edited by Hoags on Tue Sep 23, 2014 1:19 pm; edited 1 time in total

SeawaySensFan

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 1:13 pm by SeawaySensFan

I think The Clutcher is the most qualified to comment on your recent challenges. All I can say is that when this all passes, and it will, you'll be that much stronger and you'll have a renewed appreciation for life and the little successes and small gifts that come your way.

I've some losses and difficulties in the past year but I firmly believe that they served as a huge catalyst for me to make some changes for the better. The proverbial lemonade made from lemons. You'll be having a glass of your own I'm sure.

shabbs

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 2:03 pm by shabbs

Vent away my friend. Sending positive thoughts and support your way. Stay strong.

PTFlea

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 2:13 pm by PTFlea

If anyone has a right to vent it appears to be Hoags right now. That is a list of hurdles thrown at you to be sure, no one can say anything to help except that we're all thinking of you and your wife and I hope things look up soon.

Stay strong.

Also...not that it matters one iota right now, but wouldn't watching hockey be therapeutic to you? I mean, I don't know what I'm talking about, but I would imagine PVRing the game or whatever you have to do and relaxing, watching it with a beer or a joint would make some of the pain lesser for that time period.

PTFlea

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 2:16 pm by PTFlea

Geez, that's also a tough time of your life to go through this. I don't pay attention to people's ages, but you and I are almost the same age and when you get to your late 30s, you're officially getting 'older', so there's likely personal feelings mounted on top of all these other things which probably doesn't add sunshine to the situation.

Again, I speak solely from my arse, but take up something you love doing. Watch hockey or read or play video games or write a blog or write a book. Don't let this diagnosis send you spiraling.

Flo The Action

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 3:03 pm by Flo The Action (Online)

hey. that sounds like a lot of bad news. from what i gather you seem to be dealing with it and in a strong positive way. and that's not something that's a given to all. I hope this makes you realize that all this is making you a better stronger person and that life has many good surprises and joys ahead for you.

you seem on the right path from what i can read. it seems like you and your wife are there to comfort each other and there is great strength in that.

I hope things improve and the little things that bring happiness fill your life. stay strong. vent away, we'll be there to listen.

Cap'n Clutch

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 7:33 pm by Cap'n Clutch

Hoags wrote:
Cap'n Clutch wrote:I feel for you and can only offer you my support.  I won't try to say I understand because I don't.  As a father who also had a child diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3 I can offer you support and help in that area if you so wish.  

Well I certainly would appreciate any info you have.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around ASD and what's available in Ottawa.  When I have time I want to go back and read over your old posts, I read them before but they have new meaning now.  My kid is everything to me and I only to do everything I can, even something I can't if it helps him lol.

Cap'n Clutch wrote:Keep strong and there's no shame in discussing your potential depression with your doctor and perhaps trying some medications.  

Already done and slowly getting better thank you.  I got a family that needs me and no time for downtime as hard as it is some days.

Cap'n Clutch wrote:
Edit:  A quote I've always appreciated, that came from someone with Autism as an adult, is "If you've met one Autistic person; you've met one Autistic person".  You're right in that it's a spectrum, which means not only is there varying numbers of symptoms present there are also varying degrees of severity for each.  It sounds like your son is what some call high functioning or mild to moderately autistic.  Therapy doesn't always work but, in our daughter's case, she went from mild to minimal with residual autistic traits.

We have trouble accepting/understanding it, my wife flat out doesn't believe it at times.  She almost went postal on the pediatrician at CHEO.

It's hard to describe him, he talks a lot but it's usually "stimming"(singing songs or ABCs) although he does talk to us when he needs something or wants to go somewhere and makes eye contact at least half the time.  Doesn't use complex sentences, never really said Mom or Dad either.  He understands a lot more than he says though, he's really bright and affectionate, lots of hugs etc.  He jumps a lot and flaps his hands when he gets really excited or overstimulated and he walks on his toes a good amount.  I guess those are the traits that put him on the spectrum but they never told us if it was mild just 'not severe'.

I like the quote in your sig as well Smile

I can't stress enough that this diagnosis isn't a bad thing and if you have your doubts then perhaps it means he is mild to moderate. If you haven't already then make sure the diagnoses is confirmed by a pediatric psychiatrist or psychologist. Make sure you're on those waiting lists you mentioned and call regularly. I'm glad to hear you have help at OCTC already. ABA is good because they teach the parents as well as the children but it's only in 8 week segments of two hours a week. If you can afford it or are able to go into debt; I would suggest private therapy at one of the following places: Portia learning center in Kanata or Spectrum intervention group in Nepean.

Our daughter had IBI at Portia and two sessions of ABA at spectrum (contracted out from CHEO)

The diagnoses of ASD will get access to therapy sooner and even if he isn't autistic in your view this therapy will still be a huge benefit to your son.

shabbs

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 8:10 pm by shabbs

#NeverGiveUp

Hoags

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 8:21 pm by Hoags

I don't have a problem with the diagnosis, I kind of expected it but at the same I didn't.  My wife doesn't buy it, she's actually in an ABA course right now.  It's just the uncertainty about his future that's worrisome.

The diagnosis was done by a pediatrician and psychologist at CHEO.

SpezDispenser wrote:
Again, I speak solely from my arse, but take up something you love doing.  Watch hockey or read or play video games or write a blog or write a book.  Don't let this diagnosis send you spiraling.

I'll probably watch hockey with my son, he loves it.

Cap'n Clutch

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 8:30 pm by Cap'n Clutch

My wife and I took those "courses" as well. I assume you're referring to the one or two day things CHEO insists you take in order to qualify for ABA therapy? The therapy itself and the lessons you learn in those therapy sessions are very helpful. The courses themselves weren't overly useful IMO.

It sounds like your son might be exhibiting something called echolalia - http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Echolalia

Cap'n Clutch

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 8:34 pm by Cap'n Clutch

I totally understand how you feel in terms of worrying about his future. I remember having the same worries about our daughter. Wondering if she'd finish highschool, have friends or a boyfriend, if she'd find a full time job or if we'd be supporting her for the rest of our lives and worrying what would happen after we're gone.

Cap'n Clutch

Post on Tue Sep 23, 2014 8:35 pm by Cap'n Clutch

I won't say you're out of the woods yet but, have hope and if the therapy works it can have amazing results.

tim1_2

Post on Wed Sep 24, 2014 7:09 am by tim1_2

Hey Hoags, I have never been through anything close to what you are going through now. All I can say is continuing to talk about it with friends, even us numpties on the forum here, is a very good thing. Here's hoping for some light at the end of the tunnel for you and your family!

Post  by Sponsored content

Back to top  Message [Page 1 of 2]

Go to page : 1, 2  Next

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum