If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

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    PTFlea
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    If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by PTFlea on Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:10 pm

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
    out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on
    someone you don’t know.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to
    make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying “Hello.”

    I Politely said, “This is David. Could I please speak with Robert
    Campbell?”

    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear “Get the right fcuking
    number!” and the phone was slammed down on me.

    I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
    Robert’s correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally
    transposed the last two Digits.

    After hanging up with him, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.
    When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled “You’re a C*nt!” and hung
    up. I wrote his number down with the word ‘C*nt’ next to it, and put it in
    my desk drawer.

    Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
    I’d call him up and yell, “You’re a C*nt!” It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic “C*nt” Calling
    would have to stop. So, I called his number and said,

    “Hi, this is John Smith from BT. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar
    with our Caller ID Program?”

    He yelled “NO!” and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and
    said, “That’s because you’re a C*nt!”

    One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a
    parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off And pulled
    into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the Horn and yelled that
    I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a “For
    Sale” sign in his back window, so I wrote down his Number. A couple of
    days later, right after calling the first C*nt (I had his Number on speed
    dial,) I thought that I’d better call the Land Rover C*nt, too.

    I said, “Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?”

    Yes, it is”, he said.
    “Can you tell me where I can see it?” I asked.
    “Yes, I live at 129 Alice Street, in Ilford. It’s a terraced house, and
    the car’s parked right out in front.”

    “What’s your name?” I asked.
    “My name is Steve Hansen,” he said.
    “When’s a good time to catch you, Steve?”
    “I’m home most days as I’m currently unemployed.”
    “Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?”
    “Yes?”
    “Steve, you’re a C*nt!”

    Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I
    had a problem, I had two a**eholes to call. Then one day I came up With an
    idea.

    I called C*nt #1.

    “Hello?”
    “You’re a C*nt!” (But I didn’t hang up.) “Are you still there?” he asked.
    “Yeah.” I said.
    “Stop calling me,” he screamed.
    “Make me.” I said.
    “Who are you?” he asked.
    “My name is Steve Hansen.”
    “Yeah? Where do you live?”
    “I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal
    grey Land Rover parked out the front.”
    He said, “I’m coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start
    saying your prayers.”
    I said, “Yeah, like I’m really scared… C*nt.” and hung up.

    Then I called C*nt #2.

    “Hello?” he said.
    “Hello, C*nt,” I said.
    He yelled, “If I ever find out who you are…”
    “You’ll do what?” I said.
    “I’ll kick your a*se,” he exclaimed.
    I answered, “Well, C*nt, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.”

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
    129 Alice Street, Ilford , and that I was on my way over there to kill my
    gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down in
    Alice Street, Ilford. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice
    Street. I got there just in time to watch two C*nts beating the sh!t out
    of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter
    and a News crew.

    Now I feel MUCH better. Take it from me, anger management really works.
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by mattshock on Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:18 pm

    On a completely unrelated topic, does anyone have Gerbers phone number?
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by PTFlea on Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:18 pm

    :D
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by PKC on Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:22 pm

    That is hilarious. I'm dying to know if someone actually pulled that stunt off.
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by PTFlea on Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:24 pm

    PKC wrote:That is hilarious. I'm dying to know if someone actually pulled that stunt off.

    I'm gonna ask him. He's a CGI guy in New Zealand and he was working some pretty franked up hours. Plus he's the type of guy to do this, I kid you not. He's a prankster.

    However, it kind of had a 'way out there' ending, so I doubt it's all true. :D
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by TheAvatar on Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:42 pm

    google "Steve Hansen Alice street". hit upon hit Smile
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by PTFlea on Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:52 pm

    TheAvatar wrote:google "Steve Hansen Alice street". hit upon hit Smile

    Oh yeah. Smile There's the answer.

    EDIT: Still hilarious though.
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by wprager on Wed Nov 19, 2008 4:41 pm

    Well, I was having a so-so day but that perked me right up. I might miss the bus home but it was worth it. Thank you, Heater!
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by PKC on Wed Nov 19, 2008 5:13 pm

    504Heater wrote:

    I'm gonna ask him. He's a CGI guy in New Zealand and he was working some pretty franked up hours. Plus he's the type of guy to do this, I kid you not. He's a prankster.

    However, it kind of had a 'way out there' ending, so I doubt it's all true. :D

    You know what's funny...I could totally see myself doing that too.
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by PTFlea on Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:06 pm

    wprager wrote:Well, I was having a so-so day but that perked me right up. I might miss the bus home but it was worth it. Thank you, Heater!

    Me too, I was laughing outloud reading it.

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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by Guest on Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:09 pm

    504Heater wrote:
    wprager wrote:Well, I was having a so-so day but that perked me right up. I might miss the bus home but it was worth it. Thank you, Heater!

    Me too, I was laughing outloud reading it.
    I was sitting in a library and I couldn't stop myself from :lol!: It just kept getting funnier as it went along :D
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by wprager on Wed Nov 19, 2008 8:04 pm

    504Heater wrote:
    wprager wrote:Well, I was having a so-so day but that perked me right up. I might miss the bus home but it was worth it. Thank you, Heater!

    Me too, I was laughing outloud reading it.

    Lucky for me I'm in a federal government shop, it was 4:40PM so I was pretty much all alone. No-one could hear me snorkling.
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by Cronie on Thu Nov 20, 2008 8:55 am

    That is something that is DEFINITELY up my alley.

    Remind me to tell you guys the story about my best friends father-in-law and what we did to him on his bachelor party... In short, it involved getting a few of my father's RCMP friends on board, planting a ziplock bag of icing sugar in my buddy's car and arranging for a stop and interrogation period that lasted over 3 hours long before announcing the jig was up! Freakin' HILARIOUS!! It took about 2 weeks of planning, but it was WELL worth it!
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by mattshock on Thu Nov 20, 2008 9:10 am

    Cronenbergfan wrote:That is something that is DEFINITELY up my alley.

    Remind me to tell you guys the story about my best friends father-in-law and what we did to him on his bachelor party... In short, it involved getting a few of my father's RCMP friends on board, planting a ziplock bag of icing sugar in my buddy's car and arranging for a stop and interrogation period that lasted over 3 hours long before announcing the jig was up! Freakin' HILARIOUS!! It took about 2 weeks of planning, but it was WELL worth it!

    Wow. How was the victims reaction??
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    Re: If you're having a bad day...read this (warning rated R)

    Post by Cronie on Thu Nov 20, 2008 9:17 am

    Honestly, it was hilarious. His future wife was watching him through the double mirror while he was being interrogated, and we were all there as well, and for the first hour and a bit, he was super calm and almost laughing because he KNEW the supposed "blow" wasn't his and that this was just a HUGE mistake that would clear itself up. But as it wore on and on, and Constable Cormier started saying they discovered approximately an ounce, that he was looking at serious time, say 1-2 years minimum; and THEN Jay (the father-in-law) started to get worried...

    Seriously though, by about 3.5 hours, after asking a dozen times to call his soon to be wife Brenda, Cormier and his "bad cop" companion left the room to bring a phone to him at which point we ALL came out and told him SURPRISE! It was awesome, and we probably could have kept it up for another 3 hours, but he literally starting to experience tremors and was visibly worried and downright scared so we figured enough is enough. All in all though, it was a blast and he STILL laughs about it NOW... LOL

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